i'm signing you up for texting rehab
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize