like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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