I think I won the penis lottery.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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