I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Is this like a preordered booty call?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
