Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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