Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
