I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
