I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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