There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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