I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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