he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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