aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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