All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
