Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
