Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
