There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
