I CAN MOONWALK!
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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