so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He did a backflip because drugs
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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