Just cropdusted the office
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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