I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
