I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
