if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
