I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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