apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
