You can't special order awesome
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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