Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
