What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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