pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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