My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
