I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
