I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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