GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
