Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
