You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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