In the future we'll all be gay
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
