My hand turned me down
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
