____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
