we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize
