so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
