Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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