Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
