my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
stop calling my apartment porn island.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
