I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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