Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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