I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
