never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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