He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
