The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
