Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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