Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
