That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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