So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
