Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
