She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
