If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
