um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
