...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
