i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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