At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
