I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
