Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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