And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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