my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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