i think my tv is drunk
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Randomize