ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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