Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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