When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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