So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize