dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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