She said her name was "party"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
