she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
