She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
even my farts smell like vagina
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
