I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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