I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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