Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
